I made my first “adult” purchase. An appliance. Or appliances as it may be. I bought a washer and dryer on Thursday. A couple weeks ago when we were shopping around for them I was all kinds of excited about putting an end to my laundromat days. However, the day before I went in to make my big purchase I had this gross realization. I’m an adult. It was horribly unsettling. Sure, I’ve had lots of adult moments over the last decade-ish since I moved out of my mom’s house. I’ve had multiple apartments, paid my own bills, purchased my own cars (albeit used cars), and done various adult things. Hell, I even have a Monday through Friday, 8 to 4:30 job, but something about purchasing an appliance brought reality crashing in. The moment one has the ability to purchase an appliance and does so instead of doing something more adventurous with said money must embrace their reality. Damn it! I’ve officially put down roots in adulthood.
You know all that crap we thought as kids? The stuff that made being an adult so fantastic? The stuff we couldn’t wait to be a part of? Things like going to bed whenever you want to? Yeah, well I fell asleep in my recliner at 8:30 Thursday night (it could have been the depression of becoming an adult). So, sure I could stay up late if I wanted to, but I’m too damn tired. Or, being able to eat dessert whenever you want? Well, sure. I sure can eat dessert whenever I want to, but now I have to consider whether or not it’s going to give me heartburn or put me into a sugar coma and then determine if it’s worth the pain and suffering. Not to mention every damn calorie lodges itself in my ass, thighs, or stomach. Or, that we can buy whatever we want whenever the mood strikes us? Yeah, well sure if we paid all the freaking bills, bought food for the next couple weeks, and put gas in the car. Sure, we can buy whatever we want. You wanna know what I bought? A freakin’ washer and dryer! Oh—dear—god.
But, for the record—it’s a damn fine set, they’re sexy front loading, energy efficient, quiet motoring, cleaning machines. See! This is precisely what I’m talking about. This adulthood crap sneaks up on you. Well, enough ranting, me and my adult self will be washing my clothes in the comfort of my home from here on out. And tonight, maybe I’ll have me some dessert after I put the whites in the washer.